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Couples Can Achieve Holiness Through Love, Service, Everyday Tasks of Life

February 27, 2018

In their new book Three Secrets to Holiness in Marriage Dan and Amber DeMatte offer a 33-day, in-home retreat for couples as a means to live radical holiness and consecrate your marriage to Christ. Giving and receiving love and living for the sake of others—especially your spouse and children—will help you achieve holiness, they say. You can even find holiness in the everyday tasks of marriage and family life such as doing the dishes, changing diapers, and cleaning up messes.

This retreat will help you fall deeper in love with Christ, your spouse and children, and the world God calls you to serve.

The DeMattes shared their vision and hopes for the book in an interview with Ave Maria Press.

Ave: What inspired you to write Three Secrets to Holiness in Marriage?

Dan: Holiness in marriage is difficult. It’s hard to be holy when you are raising children, going to work, keeping up with household chores, and managing busy lives. But we wanted to live radical holiness in our lives. We didn’t want to blend in to the rest of the world and walk along the wide path that leads to destruction. We wanted to discover the narrow path. Three Secrets to Holiness in Marriage is our reflections on what walking the narrow path looks like as married couples. It is in fact the "more" that you are looking for as a married couple.

Amber: We were inspired to write this book by a call for radical holiness in our lives. I'm sure many of us have experienced it. It's a whisper in our hearts that simply cries out for more. We want more of God and more from our marriages but we need a practical path to get there. The Lord inspired Dan to unpack the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience. At first, I'll be honest, it scared me. Doesn't poverty stoke fear in most of us? But as we explored it together I grew in appreciation for the freedom, joy, and abundance these counsels brought into our lives and our marriage. 

Ave: What is the most important message you want readers to walk away from the book with?

Dan: They are created to be a self-gift in every aspect of their lives. They are to be a gift with their finances, a gift with their time, a gift with their resources, a gift to their spouse, and a gift to the world. I want the readers to know that their marriage isn’t for themselves, but it is for the kingdom of God. They exist to bring heaven to earth.

Amber: I'd love to see our readers walk away with a more intimate relationship with God the Father. He offers abundant life through the radical call of the cross. His arms are heavy with gifts for us. I want to see our readers receive those gifts and live that life.

Why is this topic so important right now?

Dan: Marriage is in crisis. With divorces increasing every day, the three secrets to holiness in marriage are, in fact, the recipe to cure divorce in the world.

Amber: We all enter into marriage with such high hopes. If they've picked up this book, chances are the readers began their marriages focused on living their lives for Christ. But then life happens and all of a sudden you begin to understand why everyone says marriage is hard! What many of us don't know is that we can do hard things. We forget that God is for us, not against us. And frankly, we forget the Cross. The Father is giving us everything we need to succeed in marriage and obtain salvation together.

Have you seen changes in your own relationship since you wrote the book?

Dan: I’ve found a lot of peace. Our marriage was never "broken" so it didn’t need to be fixed. But I wanted more in life. I wanted to give God everything but I didn’t know how. These three secrets taught me how to give God everything while living marriage. I love Jesus more; I love my wife more; and I love my children more having written this book.

Amber: There is no better way to learn than to teach. While writing this book the Holy Spirit shone a light on many areas in our own personal lives where Dan and I need to change and grow. We are on this journey with you! The end goal is perfect love!

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