Join Women in the New Evangelization (WINE) for their first summer book club, “Read Between the WINEs,” featuring Lisa M. Hendey’s The Grace of Yes.
WINE takes its name from the Gospel account of the Wedding Feast at Cana. With the Blessed Mother as a model, the organization invites women into community and helps them encounter Christ and their place in the new evangelization, according to founder Kelly Wahlquist.
The book club, which is for individuals or small groups, will run from June 13 to Aug. 8. WINE will highlight a chapter on its website each Saturday as part of the virtual book club. A reflection on the chapter will be posted each Saturday and there will be an online conversation with women from all over the United States about The Grace of Yes weekly as well.
In The Grace of Yes, Hendey—bestselling author and founder/editor of CatholicMom.com—shares her personal faith journey and outlines the eight virtues that can help us generously give our unique “yes” to God’s plan for our lives.
Find out more about the Read Between the WINEs book club on the WINE website.
Lisa Duffy brings personal experience, Church teaching, and more than 20 years of experience ministering to those wounded by divorce to her first book, The Catholic Guide to Dating After Divorce. In this Q&A with Ave Maria Press, Duffy talks about the stigma of divorce, misconception about divorce and the Sacraments, and creating a life program to help you move on.
Question: Lisa, early on in the book, you address the stigma of being divorced and how that impacts the decision to attend Mass and receive the sacraments. Can you talk about your own experience and what you’ve heard from others?
Lisa Duffy: In the week ——and months after my husband left, it took all my strength and resolve to attend Sunday Mass. I was very angry and disillusioned, which made it difficult to focus on the Mass, but I also felt a deep sense of shame, like I didn’t belong there with all the “good” Catholics. Seeing happy families and couples there also brought immense sadness. I would usually come late and leave early so I could avoid anyone who might want to chat.
My experience seems to be similar to many divorced Catholics, however a large percentage automatically suspect they are not welcome at Mass or parish functions because of their divorce. Some of them just stay away because they fear the judgment of others. Then there are those who show up for Mass or try to continue participating in the ministry they were involved in and are told by those who unfortunately have their facts wrong that they are no longer able to participate.
Q: It seems like there are some misconceptions regarding Church teaching about divorce and participation in the sacraments. What’s does the Church say? Do you think these misconceptions actually make it more difficult for divorced Catholics to heal?
Lisa: Yes, there are many misconceptions out there regarding divorce and participation in the sacraments and I welcome the opportunity to provide some clarity.
First, a civil divorce decree in-and-of-itself does not prohibit a Catholic from receiving the sacraments or participating in parish life as stated by the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
“It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage” (2386).
This also applies to the children of divorced couples, who often are denied receiving Baptism or their First Communion by lay parish teachers who are misinformed.
Second, divorced Catholics who have remarried without first receiving a decree of nullity are not allowed to receive Communion. This is a non-negotiable circumstance, contrary to the media’s coverage of the recent Synod held last October and it is not some human rights issue where the Church is treating divorced and civilly remarried Catholics as second-class citizens. This is the Church protecting her members from spiritual disaster. The Catechism plainly states:
“Anyone conscious of a grave sin must receive the sacrament of Reconciliation before coming to Communion” (1385).
The reason why a divorced and civilly remarried Catholic is considered to be in grave sin is simple: A decree of nullity (annulment) declares that the marriage in question—even though a real relationship that may have produced children existed—was never a valid marriage. It was never a spiritual, unbreakable covenant between the spouses and God. Therefore, the spouses are not bound to each other until death as a couple with a valid marriage would be. If they are not bound to each other, they are free to get married.
If a divorced Catholic does not go through the annulment process to find out whether or not he has a valid marriage, the Church considers that person validly married. Therefore, a second marriage would constitute adultery.
I definitely do believe these misconceptions prolong and aggravate the healing process. It’s so important for clergy and lay leaders in positions to give direction and advice to divorced Catholics to have an accurate and uniform understanding of what the Church teaches.
Q: Of the five “attraction factors” you write about in the book, is there any one that is most important or upon which the others depend?
Lisa: Yes, the first attraction factor, being “available” is really the one the rest hinge upon because if you aren’t technically able to date because you do not have a decree of nullity and your heart is not available to give away because it is locked in the past by anger and resentment, it makes taking those other steps almost a moot point. A person could work on the other attraction factors, but she would find herself constantly having to go back to this first one to master it if she wanted to make any real progress on any of the others.
Q: Late in the book you talk about creating a “life program.” What is it and how can it help someone healing from divorce and wanting to love again?
Lisa: A Life Program is an exceptional tool that anyone can use, but it is especially good for divorced Catholics because it helps to motivate them to move forward instead of remaining stuck in sadness and emotional ruts. It’s like drawing yourself a road map to help you get from where you are today to being the happy person you want to become. The three most important steps are to write a detailed description of what you want your life to look like when you are completely happy; second, to identify the five biggest obstacles that are preventing you from being that person; and third, to identify five ways you can overcome those obstacles and move yourself forward toward your goal. It’s very effective and is something good for anyone who wants to excel in life, especially spiritually.
Colette Lafia, author of Seeking Surrender, discusses spiritual direction, connecting with and surrendering to God, and her friendship with Brother René.
Q; Colette, many people might not understand what a spiritual director is, thinking maybe it’s only for people in ministry. Can you describe what a spiritual director does and how it can help Catholics who aren’t in direct ministry?
Colette Lafia: Spiritual direction has been around for a long time with a rich tradition, serving to help people deepen their spiritual journey by sharing it with a trusted individual. Spiritual direction is for anyone who longs to deepen his relationship with God.
The intention of spiritual direction is to cultivate an openness and responsiveness to the Spirit’s presence in a person’s life. Spiritual direction is the art of listening carried out in the context of a trusting relationship. A spiritual director is a trained and competent guide who then companions another person on his spiritual journey, listening with that person to his sacred stories and the movement of the Spirit.
Q: What made you decide to become a spiritual director?
Colette: As I describe in my book, my experience of being in spiritual direction was so healing for me while I was handling infertility, feeling grief from my sister’s death, and dealing with my husband’s work challenges. I truly believe that through the deep listening that happens in spiritual direction, I was able to hear God’s call for me to surrender and trust how my life was unfolding.
Through the healing journey that I experienced in spiritual direction, and growth of intimacy with God, I began to hear a calling to become a spiritual director. I didn’t know if it was the right path for me, but the doors kept opening and God kept calling me. It was a process of discernment. Spiritual direction is a calling and then skills are developed in a formation program—that is why spiritual direction is called an art and a practice.
Q: Life is so hectic for most people. What is one thing we can do each day to slow down and connect with God?
Colette: We must find a way to pray every day, and allow that to change if it needs to. As they say at the monastery: Pray, Pray, Pray. How we pray can change and shift, but keeping committed to prayer is the foundation. Right now, I am using the Liturgy of the Hours and saying the Morning Prayer, which I follow with Centering Prayer. At other times, I have used the Daily Examen and art journaling as my primary prayer practice. Even though everything can be prayer, I find that a daily spiritual practice is essential to staying connecting to God.
Q: Your book includes excerpts from letters you exchanged with a Trappist monk from the Abbey of Gethsemani for more than five years. What drew you to the monastery in the first place and how did you meet Brother René?
Colette: During an especially difficult time in my life, a good friend of mine who had visited the Abbey of Gethsemani many times suggested that my husband and I get away for a while and visit the monastery. We were struggling with infertility, with my husband’s business challenges, and with the recent death of my sister from cancer. On the first day of our visit, I met Brother René at the hospitality desk. At one point, I spontaneously asked him if he was ever lonely. That question, and his subsequent reply, was the beginning of our unexpected friendship.
Q: How did you grow and change as a result of your friendship with Brother René?
Colette: Brother René had absolute confidence in God and in the power of love. He was a mirror reflecting faith and trust during a period of great darkness and loss in my life. Over time, with the help of Brother René’s wisdom, I understood I was on the path of surrender. I just needed to have faith in it, embrace it, and learn how to live it. His friendship was so important to my growth. I believe that spiritual companionship is such an essential part of our spiritual journey. We need each other!
Q: What is the first step in surrendering ourselves to the will of God?
Colette: The first step is realizing you are LOVED. Without receiving God’s love, and living in God’s love, nothing makes sense in the world of surrender. We must trust that we are surrendering in the loving arms of God.
Q: In your book, you write about how surrender allowed you to move from grief to grace. Can you tell us about that?
Colette: When I arrived at the door of surrender, I was in a deep state of grief. I was drenched in loss, and I wanted to run and hide. It was in this complete state of vulnerability that the grace of surrender entered my heart. As I followed the path of surrender, the grief slowly transformed into living with more trust and acceptance, and grace deepened in me.
Unleashed, a 13-part Bible study based on the book of the same name by Sonja Corbitt, began airing June 1, 2015, on CatholicTV.
Corbitt’s passionate faith and natural storytelling ability combine to create a refreshing message of how God, in his continual pursuit of us, speaks to us through the positive and painful circumstances of life, relationships, and his Word.
In Unleashed, Corbitt testifies that prayerful and regular study of the scriptures is the key to better hear the voice of God, to see the Holy Spirit at work even in times of suffering, and to receive all the graces God wants to give. Endorsed by her bishop as a “credit to her faith,” Corbitt inspires Catholics everywhere to engage with the scriptures with renewed vigor and energy. She has produced three Catholic Bible studies.
Corbitt is a dynamic Catholic author, speaker, and broadcaster who has produced several high-impact, uplifting multimedia Bible studies, including Soul of the World, Fearless, and Ignite.
A Carolina native who was raised as a Southern Baptist, Corbitt attended Mitchell College and the Southern Baptist Seminary Extension and then converted to Catholicism.
She broadcasts a daily program on Real Life Radio called Pursuing the Summit. Corbitt is in formation as a Third Order Carmelite, a columnist at Catholic Online, and a contributor to CatholicMom.com.
A new episode will run each week on CatholicTV at midnight Sundays; 8:30 a.m. Monday; 4:30 p.m. Tuesdays and 9:30 p.m. Saturdays.
The cause for sainthood of Servant of God Patrick Peyton moved another step forward in April with the presentation of a Positi—a position document on his life and holiness—to the Congregation for the Causes of Saints in Rome.
The Positio is the result of a four-year study that culminated in a 6,000-page report of Fr. Peyton's life, actions, and miracles, and was completed by the tribunals in the Archdiocese of Baltimore and 34 other dioceses around the world. If the Congregation determines Fr. Peyton led a life of heroic virtue, the cause will go to Pope Francis, who can confer the title “Venerable” upon Fr. Peyton.
Rev. Wilfred Raymond, C.S.C., president of Holy Cross Family Ministries; Rev. David S. Marcham, vice postulator of Peyton’s cause; Andrea Ambrosi, the postulator of Peyton’s; and Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle, Archbishop of Manila presented the Positio on April 21, 2015.
“We are very pleased to see progress in Father Peyton's Cause. Many people regularly tell me we need a 'Saint for Families' and that Father Peyton is the appropriate candidate,” Raymond said.
Fr. Peyton, a Holy Cross priest and Catholic media pioneer, spent his 51 years of priesthood serving the spiritual needs of families. Known as “The Rosary Priest,” Fr. Peyton emphasized the daily communal prayer of the Rosary between families. He believed “The family that prays together stays together.”
During his priesthood, Father Peyton spread his message globally, founding Family Rosary in Albany, N.Y., in 1942, and conducting Rosary crusades in 40 countries that drew over 28 million people. Fr. Peyton also founded Family Theater Productions in 1947 in Hollywood, where he helped to produce 600 radio and TV programs that featured hundreds of celebrities and celebrated more than 10,000 broadcasts. Family Rosary and Family Theater Productions are members of Holy Cross Family Ministries, which serves families in 17 countries. The Father Peyton Family Institutes, based in Lima, Peru, and in Bangalore, India, provide education and resources to enrich the spirituality of families. The ministries are all under the sponsorship of the Congregation of Holy Cross, at whose request Father Peyton’s Cause for Canonization was opened in June of 2001.
For more information and to see a video presentation, check out the Holy Cross Family Ministries website.
Meanwhile, CatholicTV will air a special on Father Peyton called A World at Prayer: The Vision of Patrick Peyton- On Assignment: St. John Cantius at 10:30 p.m. June 1 and replaying at 5 p.m. June 4 and 3:30 a.m. June 6.
The Grace of Yes by bestselling author Lisa M. Hendey won third place in the annual Excellence in Publishing Awards by the Association of Catholic Publishers.
Hendey is founder of CatholicMom.com and author of A Handbook for Catholic Moms and A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms. She is also a broadcaster and Catholic blogger.
In The Grace of Yes, Hendey takes readers on her personal faith journey, highlighting eight virtues that have helped her—and can help others—say yes to God.
Find out more about other ACP winners on the organization's website. The awards will be given out during the annual Religious Booksellers Trade Exhibit May 26-28, 2015, in St. Charles, Ill.
Lisa Duffy knows what it's like to find hope after divorce—from her own experience, as well as more than 20 years of ministering to those wounded by divorce.
Duffy is a columnist for CatholicMatch.com and creator of the "Journey of Hope" divorce recovery program. Her first book, The Catholic Guide to Dating After Divorce, is the first written for the 11 divorced Catholics in the United States.
Ave Maria Press talked with her recently about the book.
Question: Lisa, early on in the book, you address the stigma of being divorced and how that impacts the decision to attend Mass and receive the sacraments. Can you talk about your own experience and what you’ve heard from others?
Lisa Duffy: In the weeks and months after my husband left, it took all my strength and resolve to attend Sunday Mass. I was very angry and disillusioned, which made it difficult to focus on the Mass, but I also felt a deep sense of shame, like I didn’t belong there with all the “good” Catholics. Seeing happy families and couples there also brought immense sadness. I would usually come late and leave early so I could avoid anyone who might want to chat.
My experience seems to be similar to many divorced Catholics, however a large percentage automatically suspect they are not welcome at Mass or parish functions because of their divorce. Some of them just stay away because they fear the judgment of others. Then there are those who show up for Mass or try to continue participating in the ministry they were involved in and are told by those who unfortunately have their facts wrong that they are no longer able to participate.
Q: It seems like there are some misconceptions regarding Church teaching about divorce and participation in the sacraments. What’s does the Church say? Do you think these misconceptions actually make it more difficult for divorced Catholics to heal?
Lisa: Yes, there are many misconceptions out there regarding divorce and participation in the sacraments and I welcome the opportunity to provide some clarity.
First, a civil divorce decree in-and-of-itself does not prohibit a Catholic from receiving the sacraments or participating in parish life as stated by the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
“It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage” (2386).
This also applies to the children of divorced couples, who often are denied receiving Baptism or their First Communion by lay parish teachers who are misinformed.
Second, divorced Catholics who have remarried without first receiving a decree of nullity are not allowed to receive Communion. This is a non-negotiable circumstance, contrary to the media’s coverage of the recent Synod held last October and it is not some human rights issue where the Church is treating divorced and civilly remarried Catholics as second-class citizens. This is the Church protecting her members from spiritual disaster. The Catechism plainly states:
“Anyone conscious of a grave sin must receive the sacrament of Reconciliation before coming to Communion” (1385).
The reason why a divorced and civilly remarried Catholic is considered to be in grave sin is simple: A decree of nullity (annulment) declares that the marriage in question—even though a real relationship that may have produced children existed—was never a valid marriage. It was never a spiritual, unbreakable covenant between the spouses and God. Therefore, the spouses are not bound to each other until death as a couple with a valid marriage would be. If they are not bound to each other, they are free to get married.
If a divorced Catholic does not go through the annulment process to find out whether or not he has a valid marriage, the Church considers that person validly married. Therefore, a second marriage would constitute adultery.
I definitely do believe these misconceptions prolong and aggravate the healing process. It’s so important for clergy and lay leaders in positions to give direction and advice to divorced Catholics to have an accurate and uniform understanding of what the Church teaches.
Q: Of the five “attraction factors” you write about in the book, is there any one that is most important or upon which the others depend?
Lisa: Yes, the first attraction factor, being “available” is really the one the rest hinge upon because if you aren’t technically able to date because you do not have a decree of nullity and your heart is not available to give away because it is locked in the past by anger and resentment, it makes taking those other steps almost a moot point. A person could work on the other attraction factors, but she would find herself constantly having to go back to this first one to master it if she wanted to make any real progress on any of the others.
Q: Late in the book you talk about creating a “life program.” What is it and how can it help someone healing from divorce and wanting to love again?
Lisa: A Life Program is an exceptional tool that anyone can use, but it is especially good for divorced Catholics because it helps to motivate them to move forward instead of remaining stuck in sadness and emotional ruts. It’s like drawing yourself a road map to help you get from where you are today to being the happy person you want to become. The three most important steps are to write a detailed description of what you want your life to look like when you are completely happy; second, to identify the five biggest obstacles that are preventing you from being that person; and third, to identify five ways you can overcome those obstacles and move yourself forward toward your goal. It’s very effective and is something good for anyone who wants to excel in life, especially spiritually.
Early in the existence of the community of Holy Cross, Blessed Basil Moreau told his religious that “the work of Holy Cross is not the work of human beings but the work of God.” The anniversary we celebrate today can be counted among those works: the 150th anniversary of Ave Maria Press. On this day, May 1st, in the year 1865, the first edition of the family magazine, The Ave Maria, a weekly periodical devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary, was published. That was before May 1st was designated by the Church as the feast of Saint Joseph the Worker. But it seems appropriate that today we celebrate the Mass of Saint Joseph the Worker as we celebrate the holy work of Ave Maria Press, 150 years of work for the Church, the work of evangelization and catechesis, the work of promoting devotion to the Blessed Mother, the work of providing good Catholic reading, a work that continues today. As we celebrate this publishing work that is under the title of the Blessed Virgin Mary, it seems appropriate that we do so on this feast of her spouse, Saint Joseph, the patron of workers. We ask Jesus, the one known as the carpenter’s son, as we heard in today’s Gospel, to continue to bless the work of Ave Maria Press.
Saint Paul wrote to the Colossians: “Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” These words are good for all of us to ponder as we consider our daily work. Certainly, these words express the attitude Fr. Edward Sorin had in founding Ave Maria as well as Notre Dame. With the spirit of parrhesia (boldness) typical of him, Fr. Sorin began the venture of Ave Maria despite many naysayers who thought the project would fail. But Fr. Sorin was determined to honor the Blessed Virgin through this periodical. He wanted to encourage Marian devotion. He was resolute in moving forward because he felt that there was a great need to provide this publication for the Catholic faithful, mostly immigrant and poor, living in a dominant Protestant culture. He wanted them to have the spiritual sustenance that the Blessed Mother provides. A few months before the first publication, Fr. Soring wrote to Neal Gillespie the following: “I may be deceived, disappointed, laughed to scorn, but with all that I will still retain my conviction that the Ave Maria will be the source of most abundant blessings, one of the best things ever done in the Congregation, and ultimately a glorious work for our Blessed Mother.”
I don’t think the rather quick and early success of the Ave Maria endeavor would have happened without the support and work of Mother Angela Gillespie at Saint Mary’s. This strong, well educated, cultured, and faith-filled woman, having just completed her great service of the wounded and dying in the Civil War, did so much to make Ave Maria a success. Mother Angela was the actual director of the new magazine in those early years. She solicited the essays and articles and discerned what should be published in each issue. Mother Angela also oversaw the sisters who did the typesetting and layout of the magazine. She worked hard to assist, Fr. Sorin, the editor, in making Ave Maria the most popular and most read Catholic periodical in the country. Fr. Sorin once said that “Mother Angela is a person whom heaven blesses in everything she touches.” And she certainly touched the Ave Maria enterprise. I recently learned that my predecessor, the first bishop of Fort Wayne, John Henry Luers, sent an article or essay to be inserted into the Ave Maria. In doing so, he said to Fr. Sorin, “if my English is not correct, let Mother Angela rectify it.”
Though I am focusing on the early years of Ave Maria, we should also remember today all those who continued the work of Fr. Sorin and Mother Angela through the past century and a half. I think, for example, of Mother Angela’s younger brother, Fr. Neal Gillespie, who succeeded her as the behind-the-scenes editor of Ave Maria. And we remember all those who have written for and worked on the Ave Maria publication until it ended in 1970. We also remember those who have worked, and continue to work, with Ave Maria Press as its published expanded since then beyond the weekly magazine. The form of the mission has changed, but not its substance. It continues as a Catholic enterprise, a ministry of the Congregation of Holy Cross. It continues in the mission of Holy Cross to helping people know, love, and serve God and to spreading the Gospel of Jesus. It continues to spread Fr. Sorin’s deep devotion to the Mother of God. It continues to respond to the spiritual and intellectual needs of American Catholics.
On this memorial of Saint Joseph the Worker, when the Church reflects on the value and meaning of human work, it is good for us to remember that work honors the gifts of God our Creator and the talents we receive from Him. All of you who work for Ave Maria Press and support its work are collaborators with Jesus in His redemptive work. As disciples of Jesus, we are all called to holiness by doing the work He calls us to accomplish, by doing our work with dedication and love. The Church teaches that “work can be a means of sanctification and a way of animating earthly realities with the Spirit of Christ” (CCC 2427). This happens by being industrious, using our talents for the glory of God and the good of others. On this anniversary and as we look to the future, we ask the Lord’s blessing on the work of Ave Maria Press. We move forward with the counsel of Saint Paul in our minds and hearts: “Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” And we move forward, we ask the intercession of Saint Joseph the Worker and his most-holy spouse, our Blessed Mother. With the angel Gabriel, we say “Hail Mary, Ave Maria.” Like Fr. Sorin, we entrust our work to Jesus through Mary; we entrust Ave Maria Press to Our Lady. May the mother of the carpenter’s son who is the Son of God pray for us!
Most Rev. Kevin C. Rhoades
Bishop of Fort Wayne-South Bend
Moreau Seminary Chapel
May 1, 2015
